When the Things You Love No Longer Feel the Same
During perimenopause and menopause, you may notice that the simple things you used to enjoy just don't bring you pleasure anymore.
It could be meeting up with friends, going out for a meal, spending time with family, watching your favourite television programme, enjoying a hobby, or even looking forward to a holiday that you've been planning for years.
You find yourself wondering:
"Why don't I feel excited about this anymore?"
There is actually a name for this experience: anhedonia.
Anhedonia simply means finding less pleasure and enjoyment in the things you would normally enjoy.
You may start asking yourself:
"What on earth is wrong with me?"
"Why don't I want to do this?"
"Why can't I be bothered?"
You may even start to feel guilty because you don't want to spend time with other people. Thoughts such as:
"Am I being selfish?"
"Am I being lazy?"
"Am I being ungrateful?"
…can start to creep in.
But this is a genuine hormonal response. There is nothing wrong with you.
What you're experiencing is often a result of the hormonal changes taking place during perimenopause and menopause, combined with the many life changes that often happen at the same time.
Loss of Joy Is Not the Same as Depression
It's important to understand that this loss of joy is not depression, and it isn't simply low mood.
Many women describe it more as a feeling that everything has become flat and grey, as though the colour has drained out of life.
You can still function, go to work, look after your family and carry on with daily responsibilities, but the enjoyment and enthusiasm simply aren't there in the same way.
Why Does Menopause Affect Our Ability to Feel Joy?
When oestrogen levels begin to decline, it can lead to a wide range of symptoms.
One of the important roles of oestrogen is helping to support levels of serotonin and dopamine in the brain. These chemicals play a key role in mood, motivation and our ability to experience pleasure.
As hormone levels fluctuate and decline, they can have a significant impact on how we feel emotionally.
However, hormones are only part of the picture. There are often many other pressures happening at this stage of life as well.
Although I hate calling it "midlife", this period often comes with major life transitions. Children may be leaving home, leading to empty nest syndrome. Relationships can change. Work pressures may increase. Some women are caring for elderly parents while still supporting teenagers at home.
All of these demands can weigh heavily on us and influence how we feel from day to day.
Will This Feeling Go Away?
For most women, yes.
This is often just one of the phases that can occur during perimenopause and menopause. As hormone levels continue to change and settle, the feeling usually dissipates.
That said, there is no need to struggle in silence.
It can be a very difficult place to be in, when you're experiencing it.
One important point to remember is that if these feelings persist, don't improve, or develop into depression, hopelessness or something that is significantly affecting your day-to-day life, it's important to speak to your GP or healthcare professional.
What Can You Do to Help Yourself?
There are several simple things that can help support your emotional wellbeing during this time.
Prioritise Sleep
Good quality sleep is incredibly important.
When we sleep well, we generally wake feeling more positive, more resilient and better able to cope with life's challenges.
Stay Hydrated
Keeping well-hydrated can help support concentration, energy and overall wellbeing.
Move Your Body
Exercise doesn't have to mean spending hours in the gym.
In fact, if you've lost enthusiasm for things, setting unrealistic goals can simply add more pressure.
Instead, start small.
A brisk 10-minute walk around the block, getting up a little earlier in the morning, or taking a walk before you start preparing your evening meal can all make a difference.
Small bursts of movement throughout the day are often easier to maintain and can have a positive impact on mood.
Get Some Morning Sunlight
Sunlight, particularly first thing in the morning, can be incredibly beneficial for mood and wellbeing.
Spending even a short amount of time outdoors each day can help support emotional balance and energy levels.
Make Time for Yourself
Meditation, breathwork and simply taking a little time for yourself can make a huge difference.
I always encourage women to prioritise some "me time", especially if they're spending most of their time looking after everyone else's needs.
Be Kind to Yourself
Most importantly, remember that this is something happening to you, not something wrong with you.
You will get through it.
Try not to push yourself too hard.
My Own Experience of Losing Joy During Menopause
For me, thankfully, this phase was relatively short-lived.
However, it got to the point where I simply didn't want to go out anymore.
I felt guilty about it, so I would force myself to attend social events with friends, go out for meals or head to the pub.
Without fail, about half an hour into the evening, I would find myself thinking:
"I just want to go home."
That's why this is one of the menopause symptoms I genuinely understand.
Talk About It
One of the best things you can do is talk about how you're feeling.
You might be surprised by how many other women have experienced exactly the same thing.
When I first started talking about loss of joy during menopause, so many women responded with relief that someone had finally put it into words.
There is comfort in knowing that you're not alone.
Whether it's a small group at work, a circle of friends or an online community, sharing experiences can be incredibly helpful.
Could Talking Therapies Help?
Some women find that talking therapies help them feel more in control of their emotions and better equipped to cope with change.
Approaches such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) may be worth exploring.
Herbal and Natural Support
Hypericum is one herb that I tend to recommend for this particular situation.
However, it's important to remember that hypericum is not advised if you are taking prescribed medication, including HRT or hormonal contraceptives, as interactions can occur.
In those circumstances, Flower Essences may be another option.
Many women like them because they are easy to carry with them throughout the day. A couple of drops on the tongue whenever you feel particularly low can provide gentle emotional support.
Mood Essence and Female Essence are two examples that some women find helpful for giving them a little lift.
Jan de Vries Mood Essence
- FEELINGS OF DESPONDANCY: If you are feeling detached and apathetic it can be difficult to see a way forward, especially if you have suffered a setback or can’t seem to find any positives. Mood Essence may help to promote a more helpful perspective on your situation and foster productivity.
- SUITABLE FOR: Mood Essence is suitable for Vegetarians and Vegans.
- HOW TO TAKE: Adults to take 5 drops in a little water 3 times daily until the bottle is finished.
Give Yourself Permission to Rest
Sometimes our bodies know best.
Perhaps this phase is your body's way of asking you to slow down, rest and stop trying to do everything for everyone else.
Rather than fighting it, try viewing it as a period of respite.
Allow yourself permission to enjoy a little more quiet time, a little more rest and a little more self-care.
And remember, there is nothing wrong with you.
If you've experienced this loss of joy during perimenopause or menopause, I'd love to hear about your experience.
What were your main symptoms? How did you cope? Did you talk about it? Was there anything that particularly helped?
Sharing your story could help another woman better understand what she's experiencing and discover ways to cope.
Other articles you might find helpful:
Emotional Symptoms of Perimenopause and Menopause
2 Unexpected Emotional Symptoms of Perimenopause and Menopause
