My mother is very over the top about things. She watches TV with the sound on really low, she doesn’t want the neighbours hearing her make a noise. You have to talk quietly every time you speak to her. She always says don’t tell anybody when she wins at bingo, even though she's been going for 40 years, three times a week. She pulls us down, tells us off for having a cold, she pulls our partners to bits. She's two faced and is driving us all away. We have never really got on but I try because she is my mother. Every time I’ve visited I end up in tears.

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your relationship with your mum.   

Rest assured that yours is not an uncommon story and I know of many people who may be confident, happy and fulfilled in other areas of their life and yet struggle with their relationship with at least one family member.  

The reason for this is that when we are back with family members we often revert to childhood roles and if there were challenges at a young age it can create difficult feelings which repeat each time we put ourselves back in that situation.

Unfortunately we cannot change the person who challenges us but we can work on our own reactions to this person. 

Generally this means finding a safe person, such as a qualified counsellor, therapist (http://www.bacp.co.uk) or even life coach (http://www.lifecoach-directory.org.uk) to talk to and thus vent and release any pent up emotion.

You could also try confidence essence in the meantime when you speak to or visit your mum as it can help with emotional challenges when experiences have been hurtful or hard to forget.

I hope you find the best way for you to resolve these difficult relationship issues.

With best wishes

Marianna