Hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause
Oestrogen and progesterone are well known for their connection to the hormonal changes in perimenopause and menopause. However, there's another little-known one that can have a huge impact, and it's called Oxytocin.
What is Oxytocin?
Oxytocin is a hormone and a neurotransmitter that is crucial to help us with bonding, both emotionally and physically, in relationships. We sometimes call it “the love hormone”.
It creates closeness with our partners during touch, and it helps with orgasms. It also floods our bodies when we give birth to help us bond with our new baby.
Oestrogen helps to keep oxytocin balanced in the body. So, it's not surprising that when our oestrogen starts to fall, our oxytocin can fall as well. This can cause a big problem with our relationships, bonding with our partner, our family and our friends.
It can also shift our mood, and it can affect our memory as well.
The impact of lower levels of Oxytocin during perimenopause and menopause
So what kind of impact can low oxytocin have upon us in the perimenopause and menopause? Let’s take a closer look at this:
It weakens our emotional bonds with our partners, our family, our children, and also our friends: Oxytocin is also important for trust. And the less we have, the more distant, the more strained, the more emotionally shallow our relationships can become.
It can also be harder to trust people. Due to this, some women can begin feeling suspicious or insecure in their relationships — worrying that a partner may be unfaithful, that friends are pulling away, or that colleagues or supervisors no longer like them. These emotional shifts can deeply affect everyday interactions and put a significant strain on personal and professional relationships.
It can have a huge impact on our sexual life and intimacy: It can affect the way we react to sexual stimuli and often make it more difficult to achieve an orgasm. We will have less enjoyment and we'll have less desire to be intimate with our partner.
It can cause emotional numbness: So we may find that we become detached from people. We don't want to go out with our friends anymore, we don't want to socialise, we maybe don't even want to go shopping because we don't want to interact with anybody at all.
We literally just want to be left alone.
Some women may find themselves struggling to connect with others in general, which can have a noticeable impact in the workplace. For those who were once sociable and engaged, a sudden shift toward irritability or withdrawal can strain relationships with colleagues and affect both professional performance and daily life.
It can cause anxiety and stress: Oxytocin helps regulate cortisol, commonly known as the “stress hormone.” A decrease in oxytocin can lead to a rise in cortisol, which may trigger increased anxiety and emotional overwhelm. This imbalance can make it more difficult to manage emotions such as anger, irritability, and sadness, leading to greater emotional distress.
Declining oxytocin levels can also impact memory, mood, and overall cognitive function. Many women may experience frequent mood swings, with emotions fluctuating daily or even hourly. For some, this hormonal shift can contribute to depression and memory problems, often described as “brain fog,” which may be linked to reduced oxytocin.
What happens to Oxytocin after menopause?
So, I can hear you asking, "Is this going to change post-menopause?" "What's going to happen?" "Does it just completely drop?" What seems to happen is that it seems to even out as we go through menopause itself.
In post-menopause, we learn to adapt, so we can still be emotional, and we can get on well with people. But what's interesting is that oxytocin can have a resurgence with grandchildren because you're loving someone again on a very basic level. It can start up again if you end up in a new relationship. Even getting a new pet can do it!
So, there are lots of ways that you can help to balance and maybe slightly increase your oxytocin level. However, as far as I'm aware, there is nothing over the counter that you can directly get that will increase your oxytocin. It's something that would need to be given medically for very specific circumstances.
How do you naturally boost Oxytocin?
Here are some ways to naturally boost oxytocin to help offset some of its decline:
Physical touch (hugs, massage, intimacy): I make a point of spending a few minutes each day massaging with body lotion right after my shower. This simple daily ritual of self-care can make a big difference by helping promote relaxation and supporting emotional well-being.
Spending time with pets: Scientific studies have shown that interacting with pets—such as talking to them, petting them, and making eye contact—can strengthen the bond between owner and animal, helping to naturally boost oxytocin levels.
Acts of kindness: Believe it or not, being kind to other people and doing random acts of kindness can give you a lovely little boost. Something as simple as giving up your seat on the bus or opening the door for someone can help.
Deep breathing & relaxation to help calm the nervous system: Things like deep breathing, getting out into nature, relaxing, anything that makes you feel good really deep inside can have a great effect on your oxytocin levels.
Support your oestrogen levels: You can do this by increasing your intake of phytoestrogen-rich foods, such as soya, flaxseed, etc (Google 'phytoestrogen-rich foods' for a full list). You can take a phytoestrogen supplement, such as one that contains soya isoflavones.
Couples therapy: You can also look at couples therapy if you find that your relationship is really struggling, especially if your partner doesn't really understand what's going on. So that can be helpful.
An important key takeaway:
The one thing I want you to take away from this is that it is not in your head! So many of you think you're going mad because you don't care about the people you used to love madly.
This is a real physiological thing that is going on with your hormones. Please take that into account. Realising that this is part and parcel of the hormonal changes, that you are not going mad, and that some of these simple things can really help!
I hope you found this one helpful. On several occasions, I've felt totally out of kilter with people whom I knew. So, this is one that I really understand very well.
If you've experienced any of these issues, what did you do, and what made you feel better? Please share your stories. You know I love to read them all.
Take care and have a lovely week.
Reference:
[1] https://www.balance-menopause.com/news/menopause-puts-final-nail-in-marriage-coffin/
You may also find these topics helpful:
Can menopause cause emotional detachment
Emotional Menopause Symptoms: Why they can worsen or come back
