Why Grief Feels So Strong During Menopause
Menopause can already feel like an emotional rollercoaster – and that’s before we even factor in the big life transitions that often happen around the same time.
We may experience the loss of parents or elderly relatives, the end of relationships, or children leaving home. Each of these changes can bring its own sense of loss. When they happen all at once, it can be especially hard to cope and to grieve in a healthy way.
Hormonal shifts can amplify our emotions, too. Losses that we might once have managed to process a little more easily can suddenly feel unbearable. It’s as if everything hits harder, and we find ourselves completely overwhelmed.
The Mystery of Unexplained Grief
Then there’s the other kind of grief – the unexplained kind.
Many women describe this as a persistent sadness or an aching sense of longing for something they can’t quite name. It feels like an emotional heaviness that weighs you down, making you profoundly sad or unsettled – yet you can’t work out why.
This type of grief can be especially confusing. But there are real, biological and emotional reasons behind it.
Grieving for Your Younger Self
Some of the sadness of menopause isn’t tied to specific events at all – it’s about loss in a broader sense.
You might find yourself grieving your younger self as your body changes, your energy levels dip, or your sense of confidence shifts. There may be grief around fertility, too – even if you’ve never had or wanted children. It can still bring up a sense of loss for possibilities that have now passed.
There’s also the awareness of time moving on. Many women describe this as a kind of existential grief – a recognition of our own mortality, regrets about missed opportunities, or sadness over dreams we never followed.
Whatever form it takes, this grief is real. You’re not “imagining things” or “going mad”. Even if there’s no clear trigger, your feelings are valid and deserve care and understanding.
What Can Help
Whether your grief is linked to a specific loss or feels more like an unexplained sadness, it deserves your attention and compassion.
Here are a few ways to support yourself:
1. Don’t Dismiss It
Try not to brush your feelings aside – and don’t let others do that either. This isn’t “just your hormones”; it’s a genuine emotional experience. Avoid putting pressure on yourself to “get over it” or “move on”.
2. Allow Yourself to Slow Down
Grief is exhausting. Give yourself permission to rest, to do less, and to simply be. Allow your mind and body time to process without piling on extra demands or guilt.
3. Talk to Someone
Speaking with a therapist, grief counsellor, or trusted friend can be incredibly healing. Having a safe space to talk without judgement helps you release and make sense of your emotions.
4. Express Your Grief
Writing in a journal can help you untangle your thoughts and feelings. Remember, it’s just for you – no one else needs to read it. And don’t hold back tears. Crying is not a weakness; it’s an emotional release and an important part of healing.
5. Be Kind to Yourself
Treat yourself with the same care and compassion you’d offer a dear friend. We’re often quick to criticise ourselves but gentle with others – it’s time to turn that kindness inward.
Moving Through This Phase
Menopause is a huge transition, and it’s natural to experience deep emotions along the way. By allowing yourself time, patience, and understanding, you give yourself space to heal.
If you’re dealing with a recent loss – or if old grief has resurfaced – please don’t suffer in silence. Reach out for support, in whatever form feels right for you.
And if you’ve already been through this, consider sharing your experience. Your story might help someone else who’s struggling right now.
Take care of yourself, and remember: your feelings are valid, your grief is real, and you don’t have to go through this alone.
You may also be interested in these topics:
2 Unexpected Emotional Symptoms of Perimenopause and Menopause
Emotional Menopause Symptoms: Why they can worsen or come back
